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Week 1 - Arizona Cardinals (0-0) @ St. Louis Rams (0-0)

Strengths
- Bulger and Faulk and Bruce and Holt, oh my!
- Outstanding defensive line

Weaknesses
- Mediocre offensive line, LT Orlando Pace aside
- Very average secondary

Game Plan
Well, cheers, NFL scheduling computer. Nothing like starting your season playing against your toughest divisional opponent in their house, is there? This should help us get the whole “improved defence” thing into perspective.

Joking aside, we almost certainly can’t stop their passing game. When the Rams have the ball, I just want to slow them down - cut off the big play and get enough pressure up front to draw Bulger into making a mistake. On defence, our wideouts have a big advantage over their corners, and so we’re going to have to work that advantage if we plan on coming out on top. Once the defence has been stretched with the pass, we can start using Marcel Shipp to grind the clock and keep the St. Louis offence off the field.

I reckon.

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So, our 2004 NFL season kicks off in a packed Whatever-They’re-Calling-It-This-Week Dome in St. Louis, with a couple of NFL pundits predicting us as a sleeper candidate for the playoffs this year.

Sleeper? Yeah. Like Rip van Winkle.

Nevertheless, when we win the toss I’ve absolutely no hesitation in giving St. Louis the ball first, finding time to offer our defence a few words of encouragement:

“Look, I know you coughed up more points last season than any team in NFL history, but I can remember at least two or three plays that you honestly didn’t suck all that badly. Let’s go out there and build on that, shall we?”

And build on it we do, new head coach Monte Kiffin’s Cover-2 helping us slowly strangle the Rams, with new boy Jed Bowden making the big play as he drags Isaac Bruce down inches short of converting a 3rd and 7 at halfway. The punt sails into the endzone, and it’s game on.

The pre-game plan is to test the Ram corners, and test them we do with four quick passes that take us straight downfield into the red zone. Marcel’s champing at the bit by this stage, and finally we let him loose to crash over tacklers all the way to the 6, first and goal. The strong St. Louis D-line stiffens and stuffs consecutive runs, but they can’t resist the temptation to bring a blitz on 3rd down and get punished for it – Blake to Johnson for 6 yards and our first score of the new season. ARI 7-0 STL

Can our defence build on its strong start? Can it nadgers. We go back to a recurring theme from last year, the “Play Okay For Two Downs Then Have A Tea-Break During The Third” routine that livened up so many games that might have otherwise had relatively sane scorelines. This one is a particularly fine example – 3rd and goal at the 17 following a Wendell Bryant sack, and Bulger finds an impossible gap between three defenders, touchdown Kevin Curtis. Arse. ARI 7-7 STL

Maybe it’s catching? 3rd and 4 at our own 38, the Rams once again can’t help but blitz, Jeff once again finds Bryant Johnson, who’s absolutely destroyed his corner on the quick slant, and Johnno outruns Groce and Adam Archuletta 62 yards to put us back in front as the crowd look on in complete silence. We’re giving St. Louis all they can handle and more right now. ARI 14-7 STL

And – shock horror – our defence is doing just enough to keep our noses in front. They’re still making yardage, but they’re not flying up and down the field like they have in games past. Another big play from a cornerback – Dave “No Mark” Barrett this time, getting waaaaay up in the air to claw a pass away from Isaac Bruce – forces the Rams to try a long field-goal, Jeff Wilkins dropping his 52-yarder just short. We can’t capitalise, though, and following a 3-and-out and a sliced punt, St. Louis drive straight back into field-goal range. Given a second chance, Wilkins makes no mistake and with less than five minutes to go in the half it’s ARI 14-10 STL

It looks like we’re about going to have to punt it straight back, but Jeff Blake’s desperation heave on 3rd-and-long somehow finds Bryant Johnson, and we’re still alive. Suddenly Marcel’s finding some space and making it happen, running down the clock until we reach the 2-minute warning at the St. Louis 16. Aware that if we leave the Rams more than about a nanosecond after we score they’re likely to be able to get into our endzone, we stay on the ground and work the clock – Shipp, Shipp, Shipp then Minor in to cap off the drive with his first TD as a Cardinal, from all of 1 yard. There are 17 seconds left on the clock, and the Rams get the ball back to halfway, but Bulger’s one-tick-left Hail Mary gets batted down, so we head off the field to the gratifying sound of sporadic boos, the score ARI 21-10 STL

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Christ. We’re winning. This is bizarre. Almost unheard-of, in fact.

“Just, you know, keep doing what you’re doing. And try not to screw it up, yeah?”

Our offence has been almost immaculate, and if we can somehow get ourselves a touchdown on the opening drive of the 3rd quarter, even St. Louis are going to find it difficult to get back into the game. The crowd seem to know it, too, and the noise is unbelievable as we ease downfield into Ram territory before hitting the traditional stumbling block and finding ourselves in an Official Down And Distance Of The Arizona Cardinals situation. Travis Minor sneaks out of the backfield and heads unnoticed down the right sideline, Jeff Blake puts up a touch-pass... too low, too slow, too easy for Travis Fisher to pick off. Minor races back and makes the tackle, but it’s 1st down Rams at our 31. Inevitably, we get them to 3rd-and-long. Inevitably, our defence collectively takes the play off and Marshall Faulk makes a catch in the endzone to cut the deficit to 4. Yikes. ARI 21-17 STL

Needing a drive and some points to take the pressure off, our offence responds with a three-and-out. Yeah. That’ll show them. The Rams have got some wheels under them now, but once again the defence steps up as Torry Holt seems to have made the grab that would convert a 3rd and 5, but Adrian Wilson steps up to put a lick on him and jars the ball loose. Phew. The third quarter ends with Wilkins kicking a 44-yard trey to make this a one point game, and things are officially getting a bit nervous on the Arizona sideline. ARI 21-20 STL

Time for our offence to continue its collapse with another three-and-out? Yeah, I think so. Christ. Alarm bells ringing all over, now. The Rams are making it look easy, and we’re having to take a few chances to try and get this back under control. On a first and 10 on our 40, with St. Louis showing a three-wide set, we come out in a 4-6 and throw six men into a strongside blitz – kill or cure. The pass-blocking is good, and Bulger hangs on and hangs on and hangs on until the very last minute before the protection starts to break down and the quarterback makes the decision to sling a missile the left sideline toward a double-covered Isaac Bruce – up go all three players, and down comes strong safety Adrian Wilson with the ball! Seven and a half minutes to play, 1st down at our 24, and we’re still in this, just about.

We’re still okay, but we badly need a drive to give our defence a rest and get the crowd back out of this game. We get a quick first through Marcel and Anquan, but on the ensuing 2nd and 5 Leonard Little gets in to sack Jeff Blake leaving us with a 3rd and 13. We really should run it, grind the clock and punt away, but Jeff thinks he sees Bryan Gilmore open on a crossing-pattern and tries to squeeze the ball in, inevitably throwing it right to linebacker Tommy Polley at the St. Louis 45 (man, I really, really hope Polley becomes a cap-casualty next year...). 5:19 to play.

The Rams glide into a first-and-goal, but for the umpteenth time today our defence comes through, stuffing Faulk, Faulk again then Bulger on the sneak (a QB sneak? From our 5-yard line?) at the 2-minute warning. Wilkins gets the chipshot, and with 1:58 remaining we’re behind for the first time today - ARI 21-23 STL

Still loads of time. Still three timeouts left. Still the same offence that ran up about a million points last season, despite it managing less than 30 yards in this second half. Here we go. Blake finds Boldin on a hook-pattern for a first down, and we hurry to the line to go again. Jeff sees Anquan get free up the right sideline and lets fly... And for the second time this game, he doesn’t get enough on it, and for the second time this game, Travis Fisher gets in for the gut-punch interception. Showing admirable presence of mind, Anquan gets back and flattens Fisher on our 39, but with less than two minutes to play we’ve really put ourselves up against it.

The defence drag their weary bodies back onto the field for one last effort, and hold 3 Faulk runs to just 5 yards total, but we’ve had to burn all 3 timeouts and with 1:27 to play Jeff Wilkins hits a 51-yarder to leave us needing a touchdown to save the game. ARI 21-26 STL

Can Jeff Blake redeem himself? Can he hell. Another over-optimistic pass in the middle of the field, another pick by a Ram linebacker and our offence’s self-destruction is complete. We’ve squandered an 11-point lead in the second half, and just for once, our defence can’t be blamed at all as our offence in general, and Blake in particular, just melted down for two quarters. Final score - ARI 21-26 STL, 0-1 on the season.

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(c) daniel roe 2004